Leave Out All The Rest pt.36

Leave Out All The Rest
Chapter Thirty-Six: Not Coming Home
"Do you actually, ya' know, SPEAK Itallian?" Beastboy asked curiously as he glanced up at Raven, tilting his sunglasses down to look at her, to say she looked completely different was putting it mildly, they were trying to blend in as much as they could so they wouldn't draw attention, some of them obviously did better than others and Raven... dressed in a black tank top and khaki shorts with a jacket around her waist, a sunhat, sunglasses, and jewlry.. and chewing bubblegum... it just.... was like an entirely different person in front of him, "No, but Starfire does, or atleast she will once we get there and she kisses someone Itallian," he nodded slowly, clearing his throat and smiling awkwardly, "P-Pretty weird way to learn a language right?" "Not really, although it is uncomfortable it's much more efficient than learning them through books like I did," he nodded slowly, "Right.... soooo ever been to Europe before?" a quick "No," was his answer and he sighed, sitting down in the waiting area as they waited on their plane to be called, "Great... fun trip...."

Beastboy took a breath, looking down to check his watch and chewing his lip as he looked around, "What is it Beastboy?" he jerked, glancing back over at Raven as she turned a page in her book, "Um-" "You're fidgeting more than usual, are you nervous or bored?" "Both?" he smiled awkwardly, she marked her page in the book and set it down, reaching into her purse- all part of blending in she claimed- and pulling out a small colored pouch, "Eat one of these," she said, taking out a small yellow, wrapped candy, "Is it like... anti-anxiety or something?" he asked, unwrapping it and tossing it in his mouth, "It's Butterscotch, it'll keep your mouth busy so it should calm your twitching," she replied simply, "Oh," he mumbled, sucking on the hard candy for a moment or two, funny, he had never cared for butterscotch as a flavor, but it tasted pretty good now for some reason... "We only have ten minutes left," she observed, "Y-Yeah? That's good," "Are you nervous about flying?" "Nah, nervous about the security checks more than anything, I mean.... green skin ya' know?" he replied honestly, "Yes, you have a good point," she nodded, glancing up from her book and watching Starfire and Robin chatter about something or other across from them, Cyborg had gotten up some time ago to get candy for the flight and thus left Beastboy high and dry, "Hey Raven?" he asked quietly, "Yes Beastboy?" "What if... what if this is a mistake?" "What do you mean? You don't think she's in Italy?" "It isn't that, it's more like.... well the one time we went international-" "Oh," she said quickly, yes.... superheros were still a relatively new concept to the world, as strange as that may sound, and they were still on the C list- B list at best- in terms of fame, people still weren't all that sure what to make of them outside of Jump City, "We'll be fine Beastboy... I know we will..."

Another spared glance at Raven as she flipped through a magazine, headphones over her ears, likely playing soothing music, it figured that they were paired together wile Cyborg was in the same row as Geo-Force, he didn't really mind, although Cyborg was probbably always going to be his go-to for help with nervous situations, Raven was definately his second choice, and Cyborg seemed to be having a good time with Geo-Force so he wasn't about to disturb him, "Will you tell me why you still seem so nervous?" Raven asked, taking off her headphones and sunglasses, taking the sunhat off and putting it on the edge of the seat, she looked more like herself now, and that was actually a little comforting... "It's just the same thing as earlier," "And?" she asked, ok, she had him there, there was definately something worse going on here.. "I ... doesn't it feel weird? Flying like this when we usually just do it naturally?" "Not really, I find it relaxing," she replied, he looked down, making Raven inhale through her nose as the "fasten seat belts" sign flashed overhead, she took his hand, squeezed it in her's, and leaned back, "Just relax, let me.... let me relax you," he shivered at the chill of the calming energy that she was sending him, but closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on that rather than the building anxiety

~+~

"Grazie!" The blonde said with a smile and a wave, "Si, ciao! Rivederti!" the older woman behind the counter waved as the bakery door closed behind the younger, she glanced up at the sky as she munched on the pastry in her hand, tilting her sunglasses so that she could see a bit better, humming to herself, she found a small spring in her step as she walked, she hadn't felt this good in a long time come to think of it, "Terra... why are you doing this?" she twitched, but kept the smile on her face, "Because I need a break Cryssy, I need time to gather my thoughts," "No I mean.. why do any of this to begin with?" Terra took a deep sigh, turning down the street and walking closer and closer to the river ahead, "You're so cluelessly, you really don't remember anything do you? It doesn't matter, you won't need to remember soon enough," she muttered, stopping by a young man walking out of a store and waving cutely, "Scusi! Dove posso trovare I cristalli qui?"

"Tara?" The blonde jerked her head up, smiling softly at the girl standing beside her, "Tara when are you going to tell me wat's bothering you?" she shook her head, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm sorry Isabella, I just... I'm fine, really," "You're a terrible liar Tara, your lying is almost as bad as your Italian," she pointed out, "My English is quite good though.. maybe you could teach me more Italian sometime," she offered, glancing out the window, "Tara... you have been here for three days and scarcely left the house to explore the city, what has changed? When we were younger we used to run along the river.. terrorize the marketplace... stroll in the garden... where is that Tara that I have known for most of my years?" she licked her lips, "I'm sorry Isabella... I really am but I can't tell you," the brunette swept her long hair to the side and bent down, wrapping the other in a loose hug, "I will not push... but do know that I wish I knew, I wish I could help you," Tara hugged back a little tighter, "I wish so too..."

"Ah Italy, it's good to be back here," Geo-Force said with a small smile as he stared out the window of the airport, "You have been to this country before?" Starfire asked curiously as she looked around, "Yes, when I was a small child, but not any time recently," he mused, "I see!" she hummed, "I'll see if I can find a translator for us," Robin offered, starting to walk away, "That is quite unnessicairy Robin, I will gladly provide the translations!" she replied, sprinting to the nearest Italian, "S-Starfire wait a minute!" he cried as he went after her, "Honestly," Raven sighed, Beastboy chuckled slightly, glancing at her before looking back at Geo-Force, "So... you don't have any idea why she might have left all those years ago after coming here? You don't think it might just be because she really liked it do you?" Beastboy guessed, Geo Force shook his head, "No that wasn't it.. when she left she had seemed so... so panicked... so upset... something happened here, if we can't find Tara maybe we can atleast find the person that she was visiting before she left, I need to find our God-Sister, Isabella,"

"I'm so happy you agreed to come with me Tara! Tonight will be so much fun, I promise, just you wait and see!" Isabella smiled brightly, "I'm sure it will Bella, it always is with you," Tara smiled back, letting her freind guide her, "I have this lovely bakery I want to take you to when the show is over too! Oh it'll be splendid!" she giggled, making Tara laugh softly, smiling more, she was starting to feel better, she didn't know for sure, for a wile there, if being with her freind would really have such an impact, but it did, and for that she was extremely thankfull, "How much further is the theater?" she asked, leaning over her shoulder, "Not much further, just you wait Tara," she smiled, gripping her hand tighter and nodding to her as they broke into a sprint, "There! Up ahead!" "That... it's beautifull!" Tara smiled back, "Not as beautifull as some things in Italy," Isabella smiled softly, nodding to her again before breaking from a sprint to a run, yes, Tara thought, perhaps things would start to go back to the normal harmony that she wanted them to be in...

~+~

"I'm not sure what was funnier, the poodle or the monkey!" Isabella laughed as she and Tara left the theater, one clinging to the other to keep from falling down laughing, "I think I have to go with the walrus personally," Tara laughed, "Ah... see this Tara? I told you you would start to laugh again," the other girl smiled, "Yes... Isabella.... if it's alright, I'd like to tell you what's been bothering me," Isabella straightened, pulling her ponytail to the side, "I was beginning to think you'd never ask," she chuckled softly, Tara gave her a weak smile in return and sighed heavily, "I just... I'm sorry, it isn't something that I'm sure I can tell you or not," she explained, Isabella shook her head, "No no, I understand, is it royalty buisness?" "Well.. partly..." she muttered, "I just... I'm not the same person I used to be Isabella," "What do you mean?" the other asked in concern, "I mean I'm not the same, I've changed from the person I was and now I can't go back, I'm stuck this way... the girl you new, who was freer, happier, she's gone now, and I can't get her back," Isabella frowned, stepping closer, "Tara... I'm sure that isn't true, we'll find a way to get you back to normal, however that is, whatever happened... we'll fix it," "This isn't something that you can just... fix... Bella," she said quietly, looking up at her with pain filled eyes, "I'm not the same anymore becau-" she paused, hearing a scream in the distance, in a panic, her heart rate shot up, and she turned quickly to the side, a wall of rock blocking around her defensively... and nocking Isabella away, "OW!" she cried, getting Tara's attention again, she looked down, seeing the crumpled, bleeding girl on the ground, and feeling her world spiral around her, everything felt like it was falling apart, she had tried so hard to keep from hurting anyone, her fear of her powers was what made her come to Italy in the first place, in the hopes of coming up with a way to control them, not only had she not managed that so far, but she had made things worse... much worse... "T-Tara?" Isabella breathed, she shook her head, slowly at first, before slowly becoming more rapid and turning on her heel, sprinting in the opposite direction, "Tara!" she shouted, the blonde didn't slow, she had to keep going.. she had to....

"Do I need to remind you, Cryssy? Of what lead to me in the first place?" Terra asked, tossing another stone across the lake, watching it skip with a look of contentment, "No... no what you're saying isn't real... it isn't true... it just can't be..." Terra gave a short, cynical laugh and skipped another stone, "Don't be naieve' dear, ofcourse it's true, and that truth gave me my freedom, for the time being anyway, then you went and lost your memories- again- and now that you're back, starting to re-learn and remember, I'm going to have to find a way to help you again so I can take control and KEEP it this time," "No.. no I won't let you Terra! I'm going to get my body back and what makes you think I'll let you in again after that!?" Crystal shouted, she shook her head slowly, "You don't have much choice in the matter I'm afraid, I already have this body and it's mine for good now," "No..." she breathed, Terra frowned, skipping another stone, "Oh Cryssy, you know I'd do anything to end your suffering... that's what I'm trying to do now," "By hurting my freinds and innocent people?" she argued, "No, by clearing your mind of all of this and giving you no reason to think it out for yourself," she answered easily, "That isn't helping anyone!" "You'll understand soon Crystal... everyone will, but until then, you just have to back off and let me continue what I'm doing.. or I'll lose concentration," she muttered, glaring as she watched a stone sink

There was a time that he wrote to her, a time when she wrote to him back, but that time didn't last very long at all

"Brion, you do not know how much this hurts me, to have to be away from you so much"

"Tara.... when are you coming home? I miss you, and I wonder, does it make you sad to find yourself alone, the way I have found myself?"

"Brion, I'm so sorry, please stop looking for me, stop waiting for me, when you answer the door or pick up the phone, stop waiting for me, you won't find me, I'm not coming home, I'm so sorry"

"Why won't you come home Tara? What has happened that's made you so afraid to come home?"

"It isn't fear Brion, quite the opposite, I'm becoming stronger here on my own in a way that I never could at home, I'm going through pain, terrible pain, but I'll come out stronger in the end, please believe me, it hurts me to say this, to say these things that I don't want to say... but I have to say them anyway, please stop hoping for me Brion, I'm not coming home, I love you Brother, but this is goodbye"

That was the last letter he recieved from her and he no longer knew how to send the others, but they were there, resting on a shelf, waiting to be sent

He wondered if he'd ever get the chance