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November 27, 2012
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I'm Never Sorry
When I was in second grade I had a best freind

She was the only person in class who was nice to me

I was shy and she was freindly and we stayed together all the time

When I was in third grade we had to be in different classes

But she still slept at my house and I still played dolls with her when she got her first American Girl

In fourth grade we were still in seperate classes

But we had lunch when we were allowed outside and she shared her potato chips with me, because I didn't like mine

When we were in fifth grade things started to change

We were still in seperate classes but something new happened

I started seeing her less

And the next year I was in a different school

And we didn't see eachother very much

I didn't have any freinds at my new school, and she was completely alone at her's

And I talked to her on the phone sometimes, whenever I wasn't busy, and we tried to keep eachother together

I begged my mom to transfer back to her school

I didn't like my new one

It was too strict

It had too many rules

And too much work

I wasn't "devoute" enough

People weren't very nice

And they turned up their noses at me

I begged my mom

I begged my mom

I begged my mom

And she finally let me go back

In seventh grade we had one class together and we were happy

I sat in front of her and we had lunch together and we talked

I couldn't talk at lunch at my old school

And until me, my freind had no one to talk to

...But that only lasted three days...

She had to transfer classes because she's "different"

Because they don't think she's smart enough to be in my class

Because there's something "wrong" with her

But I don't believe them

And she cried before she went home

We had another class together that year though....

...Later that year....

Wile we were apart I started making new freinds

They thought I was cool

And they liked my clothes

And they said I was smart

I started hanging out with them

And I started liking them

And I asked for more new clothes and had the best closet around

And we started traveling the school like a pack

And when I got in the new class with my freind she was happy... but I wasn't.....

I didn't like the subject, but she excelled at it

For the first time either of us had known eachother she got an A and I didn't

She was surprised and thought I had been wronged

She thought the teacher made a mistake and offered to help me study or make it up

But in all honesty I just didn't care

I never did care about that class... it was my parents I cared about impressing... and I was afraid of what would happen if they saw me with a C

Even if it was one test

I hadn't studied

I had hung out with my new freinds and gone to parties and went shopping

But I got mad at my freind because she cared and she made a big deal out of it and made me feel bad

And I ignored her for a month

Right after that she didn't come to school anymore

She had always been bullied and so had I

But I guess wile I had become popular, she had only stayed where she was... or fell even lower

She had to be homeschooled, she claimed she liked it

I know she did

She never was someone who was part of the "cool" crowd

She never was someone cut out for school or a social circle

She always was different

She liked being home

She liked hanging out with her mom

She liked reading books

And in school, you just can't be that way

You have to be like me

I like being out

I like being with my freinds

I like buying clothes

That's the only way you get anywhere in this place

As the years passed I felt myself drifting away from her

We saw eachother when our moms wanted us to meet up and she was always happy to see me

We hugged and she talked and I nodded and listened

I went back to my private school and found that my popularity had actually followed me there

For once I was part of the crowd I always wanted to be part of

I started meeting cool kids

And boys

And boys loved me

They all wanted to go out with me

And my freind was still alone

She had her "freinds" online... I never understood that...

I have freinds on Facebook but I know them all

She doesn't even know these people...

But she thinks they're her freinds...

How sad

When I see her, I tell her I love her

When I see her, I hug her tight

When I see her, I tell her she's my only real freind

It's all a lie

When she's not right in front of me, I ignore her

When she calls me, I turn off my phone

When I'm around other people, I tell them they're my freinds and pretend I don't know anyone like her

She wanted me to go to a convention with her

She felt lonely

Because everyone else had a bunch of freinds and she only had her mom

I said I had cheerleading

I said I had a test I couldn't get out of

I said I couldn't go

I had skipped cheerleading before

I could have put off the test

I could have gone

But I didn't want to

I don't like those people

I don't want to be there

I don't care what she's interested in

She likes cartoons and books and draws like a child

She still collects dolls and stuffed animals and believes in fairies

And I think that's all funny

I lie and say the cartoons are too violent, when I absolutely love "The Hunger Games"

I lie and say I don't have time to read anything she recomends to me, when I've been reading whatever my freinds tell me to, or whatever's popular

I lie and say I don't have time to draw, when really, I just don't care enough to even try

I lie and say I'm bored of dolls, when I really just think I'd be made fun of if someone saw me with one

I lie and keep the stuffed animals in my room for decoration, when I actually hold them in my sleep

I lie and say I believe in "Faeries" to please her, when I secretly laugh at her naievity

I thought she and I were the same once

But we couldn't be more different

She's weird

I'm normal

She doesn't believe in Hell but she believes in Heaven

She doesn't believe in being prejudice and she believes there's such a thing as love without sex

What a fool

What a fool

What a fool

She says she's "spiritual" but that just means she doesn't believe in what she SHOULD believe in

She says she believes in God but if she did she'd be my religion

She says she believes in equal rights but my school teaches that nothing should be equal

And that's what my freinds believe

And that's what our church believes

And that's what my parents believe

So that's what I HAVE to believe

She doesn't like my music because she says it's crude and rude and loud

But I don't like her's because it doesnt drown me out

I remember when we used to dance around in my room to a CD that we both had

I don't have CDs anymore

I don't have books anymore

I don't have the posters she gave me when we were twelve or the jewlry she made for me that I used to treasure

I have iTunes

I have reading online

I have Facebook

I don't need her

I said now that I have a cell phone I'll always answer it

I'll always have it on

She's left me three messages crying and I haven't returned one single call

I decide to call days later when I'm sure it's all blown over

And I hang up five minutes later

It's nothing like when we used to talk at three in the morning until our moms told us to go to bed

She won't cut her hair, and she dyes it dark red, and she wears these conservative dark dresses

I told her to cut her hair, and dye it two toned blond, and wear tank tops and short skirts like me

She refuses

She refuses

She refuses

She's a fool

She won't wear make up even though it'd make her look better

She won't go to school or the mall or a sports game because she doesn't like those things

She won't listen to the right music or wear the right clothes or talk the right way

And she wonders why she doesn't have any freinds outside of that computer

She tells me my boyfreind is abusive

That he's possessive

That verbal abuse always leads to physical abuse

But I don't believe her

I break up with him to please her but secretly still talk to him

I get a new boyfreind, but he's too much like her and I break up with him too

I have a crush on a new guy, and when I tell her that I can't go to see that movie with her, it isn't because of cheerleading, it's because of him

She cat sits when I'm out of town even though she's allergic to the cat litter we use

I won't change the litter

I don't really even care about the cat

She offers to take my fish that I won at a carvinal because I don't want it

But I tell her I do want it

I lie to her again because I want to have what she doesn't

Like I always do

I have more money

And more clothes

And a boyfreind and more freinds

I go to dances three times a year and have dresses that are never less than $100

I go to parties and talk to boys and I've had more first kisses than she's ever thought of

I drive and I have my own car, I go on cruises and trips around the world

I'm better than her

I have more than her

And she still doesn't seem to care

When we see eachother I pretend I'm interested

I listen to her talk about what she's reading and her dog and everything else boring in her life

And I giggle and I hug her and lie to make her happy

Or sometimes to make her feel bad for me

Or sometimes to just shock her

And it works

And it works

And it works

And she stays

And she stays

And she stays

I avoid her calls

I only take calls from my freinds and boyfreind

I avoid her wanting to get together

I only get together on dates or at parties or at the mall

I avoid her feelings

I don't want feelings to be part of anything

And when she tells me she's lonely or hurt or wants my attention

I give half-hearted comfort until I can change the subject

She invited me to that convention again this year

She said it'd mean so much to her

That I'm her only real freind besides her mom

I said I'd go no matter what

But I've already decided to go on a date that night

And a party the next

That way I won't have to go either day to her weird thing

That way I won't risk being seen with her

That way I won't have to act like I care about her anymore

I'll go out with the guy I've known for a month

I'll party with the girls who used to call me horrible names

I'll go shopping with the people who once laughed at me to show them I'm better than they are

And I'll lie and tell her I'm sorry

I'm never sorry
This is for :iconpocket-of-dreams: who asked someone to write a poem or short story (I think this is kind of both?) about the liar in a relationship, from the liar's POV, so I tried my hardest to get to understand someone's motives for doing this, tried to get in the mindset of someone who did this to me in the past, and truthfully, I do feel sympathy for her, in this peice, if this was in fact why she did what she did, I don't know if it is or not and I don't guess I'll ever know but this would be my best guess... anyway I hope :iconpocket-of-dreams: likes it :)
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:iconiluvichirukistyle:
ILuvIchiRukiStyle Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Student Writer
:iconhappytearsplz: Waah.. OMG This is so brilliant,amazing,great,best,beautiful,awesome,wonderful and that's all I can think of..but still,It's not enough to describe such marvelous poem!!!!~ :iconaaaahplz: :la: I have such great admiration when it comes to emotions that is explained quite perfectly for you to feel it too.. :iconsobeautifulplz: I love you!!~ (not in a weird way of course) :iconaawplz:

I totally cried at the part when the lying part start until the end because I can feel emotions :icondesperateplz: Man,I sure don't want a friend like that..the one that just ignore you because of high popularity..

I think my dizziness is starting to get less.. :icondizzyplz:

And for the people who happen to get the chance viewing this,I'm going to give 1 small tip about how to feel the emotions of the poem..Don't hate me,I'm just saying..

1. Just imagine one of the characters as you..that's it,I mean It's 'how' I read and feel every poem and story I check out.. :shrug:
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:iconasagi-k-kurosaki:
Asagi-K-Kurosaki Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Professional Writer
Wow, thank you so very much :la: I'm so glad you like it :iconepiclaplz: I'm glad you can feel the emotions, that was my main point for this paticular peice :D
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:iconiluvichirukistyle:
ILuvIchiRukiStyle Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Student Writer
You are really,really,really welcome!!~ :iconaaaahplz:
and I just realized you like the iconLA very much so,this is for you!!~ ~(:iconlabandplz:)~

Sorry for the late reply..:iconrelievedplz:
:iconsighingplz: School,they'll definitely always make you busy :iconschoolplz:
Reply
:iconasagi-k-kurosaki:
Asagi-K-Kurosaki Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Professional Writer
Aww thank you :la: Oh it's ok, I understand, I have trouble getting to messages too these days even without school, just... life @_@
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:iconiluvichirukistyle:
ILuvIchiRukiStyle Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013  Student Writer
Your welcome!!~ Thanks for understanding :iconarigatouplz: LOL :iconhappytearsplz: Yup. Its all part of life XD :iconlaughingplz:
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:iconhinatameerkat:
hinatameerkat Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student General Artist
This is beautiful :cries: It's so sad and so brilliant; it felt as though my heart strings weren't merely pulled on, but ripped out. The way it began to sweet and then grew darker by the sentence made it perfect. Great job my friend :hug:
Reply
:iconasagi-k-kurosaki:
Asagi-K-Kurosaki Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
Aww why thank you very much :love: I'm glad that it invoked so much emotion X3
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:iconhinatameerkat:
hinatameerkat Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student General Artist
You are more than welcome my friend! I didn't even know you wrote poetry!
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:iconasagi-k-kurosaki:
Asagi-K-Kurosaki Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
I actually wrote poetry long before I wrote fanfics :)
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:iconhinatameerkat:
hinatameerkat Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student General Artist
I did not know that! Your poetry is simply amazing :D
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