Great Expectations

Great Expectations
Turn up the music loud
You still can't drown them out
The voices of your expectations
Pounding in your ears like a drum beat
Rattling your head and breaking through your ribs
The music shakes your chest
You're trying to ignore them
But the words still crackle through
Like broken, splintered bones
You can't drown them out
You can't pound them out
They'll ring in your ears until the day you die
You want to scream and shout until your throat is raw
Just to hear something over their voices
But your voice is too quiet
It can't be that loud
No matter how much you shout
No matter how loud you get
Their voices will alway ring over you
You will always hear their pressures
Banging, thundering in your mind like precutions
You grab your ears
Try to muffle the noise
But it seeps through like a poisen through the apple
You grit your teeth and clench your eyes shut
It doesn't help
Your body shakes with anger
Or maybe it's from fear
The stress makes your adrenaline rush
And the blood in your veins starts to gush as they break open
You can't force it out
The music only gets louder until you can't hear yourself think
But still the voices manege to speak over it
You try not to concentrate
You listen to the lyrics
It doesn't help
It doesn't stop
Even when the voices are silent you still hear them
They never stop
They're always there
You hope that sleeping will make it silent
But in your dreams it's only louder
You wake with a new sense of stress
And walk down the stairs only to hear the screaming start again
Pots and pans clang and bang
And doors slam off their hinges
You sink beside the stairs and mutter to yourself
Hoping your voice will drown them out
They keep on coming and you can't stop
You get louder but so do they
Even when the voices are silent you hear them
They don't understand
They don't want to understand
Who are they to tell you what to do?
You're your own person but they only see you as part of the crowd
A single snowflake in a mound of snow
There's nothing special about you
Who are they to judge?
Like they know what they're talking about
They lack experience but feel it's right to tell you who you are
They won't accept who you are
Like an ever present deity they frown at you and shake their heads
Their judgemental ways make you sick
You hang your head and can't find the fire to fight back
Their opinions shouldn't matter
They're blinded by society and aren't willing to see the light
But somehow you feel wrong for not living up to their expectations
They only care about what things look like on the outside
Couldn't care less about the organs under your flesh
Or the blood in your veins
Only the pretty face that's masking your pain
You care and it makes you frett
You shake and you hypervenalate
Because they don't let you be
Oh, but you get a type of pleasure from showing them who you are
You flash a smile because you're different and defiant
They can't control you and that amuses you
Their anger both hurts you and pleases you
You take pleasure in the moment
You've made something of yourself that they'll never have
And yet you wallow in the pain of knowing that they'll never see it
You're stuck wondering
Do their words have any truth?
It's a kind of masochistic glory to be succesfull to everyone except them
You burry yourself in the music
Just to get some releif
It's like a drug without the side effects
And eventually you realize that they aren't talking about you anymore
But the voices are still there in your head and they will never stop
Words cannot be unsaid
Especially at the volume that they're at
Turn up the music
Try to tune it out
Make your head spin from the violens and drumming sounds
But it only serves to create a rythem for the thoughts going through your head
You can't hear the lyrics
You can't grasp the meaning
All that you can hear or feel are the beating of your expectations
Weighing on you like a ton of bricks
Breaking you down part by part
All you can hear or feel is the anger coursing through you
Or maybe it's fear
You can't seem to tell the difference
Your body shakes and your head aches and you realize the music is too loud
Like a nervous wreck you quake under the pressure
And your head spins and your body breaks
It's too much for anyone to handle
You think it'll stop
It has to stop
It can't keep going like this forever but it never seems to give you a break
The expectations are always beside you
Like a monster in your closet
Like a demon in your body
Like another person underneath your skin
You can't control it
You can't make it go away
You get a moment of releif only for it to strike back even stronger than before
You think you'll be ok
You think you can ignore it
You think if you just work hard enough you'll prove them wrong
But the dissaproving eyes never stop staring at you
The voices won't be quiet
They rattle in your brain day and night
Day and night
You can't make them stop
You can't get any peace
No matter how hard you try
No matter how much your achieve
Creative people are most loved from far away
And most hated by those close to them
It doesn't mean anything because the voices are still there
And your expectations are still beside you
Mocking you
Waiting for you to slip up so that they can begin their taunting again
You realize that it's too loud
The music is too loud
But the voices are even stronger
You clutch your head in desperation
Try not to surrender to your expectations