Babysitting
(AKA: Espada Act Like Little Children.... And Soul Reapers Do Too)
Freindship never comes without risks; and keeping your life never comes without risks either, that is why Ichigo was currently straightening his necklace and looking in the mirror, "I hate my life, with a flaming, BURNING passion, I. Hate. My. Life." he said to himself, "And, WHY do you hate your life?" chills went up his spine as he spun around to see Rukia leaning against the wall, her eyebrows slightly raised and her mouth curved in a slightly-amused grin, "R-Rukia! I thought you'd be gone today!" he said, "Aw not happy to see me? That hurts my feelings," she joked as she walked over to his desk, "I never said that, but didn't you say you'd be gone ALL DAY and wouldn't be back until late tonight?" he asked accusingly, "Would you relax Ichigo? I was on my way out when I remembered I wanted to show Orihime that new manga I bought, jeez, are you about to go pull out your hidden porn stash or something?" now he was thoroughly in a mood, "P-P-P-Po-.... where did you learn that word!?" he yelped with a blush as she took the manga out of the closet, "Good greif Ichigo what is your ISSUE today? I was just kidding, seriously you're acting like you're hiding militairy secrets or something..." she muttered, he gulped, she was awfully close to the truth.... "I just... I just am a little worried about you is all, I mean you're always closed up here in the house with me, you're always AROUND me, you need to go spend some time with some females is all," she stared at him for a long moment, "Ichigo aren't we past the point of lieing? What's your problum today?" he sighed lightly and rubbed the back of his head, truthfully he had learned a few days ago that wile he was fighting Aizen two years ago Orihime had revived Ulquiorra and had been keeping contact with him, now the Cutra Espada was curious about humans enough to want to come to the living world and look around, then Grimmjow jumped on the band wagon.... but if Soul Society found out he was dead meat..... "Rukia promise you won't tell anyone?" she nodded once, "Ofcourse," "Well it's just.... I sort of got roped into taking Ulquiorra and Grimmjow on a tour of the living world today.... it's just for a little wile and they threatened to destroy the city if I didn't...." she raised her eyebrows, "I thought they were dead," "So did I... anyway look, just promise not to tell anyone ok? If Soul Society finds out I'll be so dead the after life won't take me," "OFCOURSE I can keep a secret," "Thanks," he said with a smile, "You don't need to thank me," she replied with a smile
"Oi Kurosaki, I thought this was a MAN'S trip just for the three of us!" Grimmjow shouted in anger, "It IS," Ichigo replied as he walked out of his house with Rukia behind him, "Then why is SHE with you?!" he snapped, "Rukia just happens to be going to the same train station we are, she's going to Osaka with Orihime for.... what again?" he asked, "A new bookstore opening, there's going to be an opening sale, a poetry slam, all sorts of stuff," "....Sounds fun...." he muttered, "Orihime will be joining us?" Ulquiorra asked with just an ounce of happiness in his voice, "Er.... no.... she and Rukia are gonig to be on our train, they're going on a SEPERATE trip," "Hey Ichigo! They have a book of Shakespere poetry on sale for half price! Want me to get it for you?!" she asked as she looked through the catalouge, "SShhhh!!" he shushed her, "What is a .... 'Shakespere'?" Ulquiorra asked, "Nothing! Never mind!" "Ichigo-" "Yes, ok?" he muttered, "Good thing that little dwarf isn't coming with us, this is a MAN'S day," Grimmjow huffed, Rukia frowned and put her catalouge back in her purse, "HEY! FYI Sasquatch, I wouldn't WANT to go anywhere with you, AND I happen to have more testostoroun than either of you hairballs put together! You're just lucky I happen to be a good freind and don't want Ichigo to get in trouble, otherwise I'd have turned you both in," "Oh pipe down you chihuaha!" she stood on her tip toes and glared at him, "You know what they say about chihauhas Sexta? They're more dangerous than pitbulls," she growled, "Alright! Alright! Would you two give it a REST!? We GET it, you HATE eachother!" Ichigo groaned, "Hi Guys!" Orihime said as she popped around the corner, "Grimmjow? Ulquiorra? Why are you here?" Ichigo sighed and for the third time that day regretted the fact that he lives
Ichigo took in a deep breath, you could cut the tension on the train with a knife.... on one side he had Grimmjow, glaring forward, on the other was Rukia, legs crossed and staring at a catalouge, next to her was Orihime, humming quietly to herself, and beside her was Ulquiorra, who was staring all around like a dazed puppy..... not a phrase Ichigo ever thought he'd use to compare with the thing that killed him twice and gave him a bad case of depression for over a year.... he cleared his throat and reached into one of his pockets, "Hey Doofuses, take these," Ichigo said, handing a blue cell phone to Grimmjow and a green one to Ulquiorra, "Those are cell phones, they're already turned on, if either of you happen to get lost just open them and press the green button twice, got it? That will call me and I'll tell you what to do from there, since my number is the only one in those phones it's hard for you morons to mess this up..." he muttered, Grimmjow huffed and shoved it in the pocket of his jeans, Ulquiorra on the other hand was busy inspecting his... "Ichigo do you have another one of those? I forgot my phone," he sighed, "Lucky for you I predicted an issue..." he muttered, handing Rukia a purple phone, "Thanks Mr. Mother Hen~" he rolled his eyes, "When will you stop calling me that?" "When you stop acting like it," she replied, "Hey, do you guys want some gum?" Orihime said suddenly, pulling a pack of gum from her purse, "Eh.... what flavour is it?" Ichigo asked, "Strawberry," "I'll take one!" Rukia, Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra said in unison, 'Why do I get a bad feeling from this...?' Ichigo wondered as the three each took a stick of gum, reluctantly, Ichigo took one as well, "So what do you do with it?" Grimmjow asked as Rukia put the stick of gum in her mouth, "You chew it until the flavour runs out," Ichigo replied as he put a stick in his mouth too, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra copied him, "What's the point?" Grimmjow asked, "Relieves tension, tastes good, a tool for dieting...." "I don't need any of that," Grimmjow muttered, Ichigo sighed, "Well whatever, just don't-" *gulp* "....-swallow it...." Ichigo muttered as the four gum-chewers looked over to Ulquiorra, who apprently had swallowed his, "That 'gum' as you call it has an interesting texture," Ichigo leaned back and slammed his head against the wall of the train, "So what happens if you swallow it?" Grimmjow snickered, "Ichigo says it glues your insides together," Rukia replied, blowing a bubble in her gum as Ichigo had Orihime give Ulquiorra another peice and tried to explain to him why NOT to swallow it, "Hey.... how'd you do that?" Grimmjow asked, "You mean this?" Rukia replied, blowing another bubble, "Uh-huh," "Ichigo taught me~" "Hey Kurosaki! Teach me how to do what she did!" he demanded as he grabbed Ichigo's shoulder, Rukia blew another bubble in her gum and Ichigo sighed, instructing Grimmjow on what to do and how to do it, Grimmjow copied Ichigo's motions but when he went to blow a bubble... *splat* the gum shot across the train and landed on a woman's forehead......
"Alright, just call us when you guys get ready to go back to Karakura and we'll meet you ok?" Rukia said as she waved to Ichigo, "Will do, see you later," he replied as Orihime and Rukia parted from the group of boys, "SO! What do you two want to do first?" he asked, "I'm hungry," Grimmjow replied, "Alright then.... do you guys like spicey food?" "No," "Yes," they said in unison, "....Any prefrences?" "Not tea," Grimmjow huffed, "Well that's vague... how about hot dogs? Everyone likes hot dogs," Ichigo suggested wile Ulquiorra's attention wandered, "You people eat dogs here? That's pretty sick even by my standards," Grimmjow huffed, "No we DON'T eat dogs, they're just CALLED that," "Why? "I don't know!" suddenly Ichigo realized that his second Espada was missing, "Ulquiorra?" he asked, turning around and seeing that the man was walking... straight into head-on traffic, "ULQUIORRA!" he shouted, making the former Espada turn around, "Get OUT of there!" Ichigo growled, dragging him out of the road by the arm, "Arlight, lesson one, NOBODY walk into traffic you understand? If you're going to cross the street do it with ME.... now let's go find a hot dog place...." "You people eat dogs here?" Ulquiorra asked, Ichigo sighed and hung his head
"Oooh Rukia! Before we go to the bookstore do you want to get a snow cone?" Orihime asked chiperly, "Sure," she replied as Orihime pulled her over to a shaved ice vendor near the store, "What kind do you want?" "Cherry," she replied, "Orihime?! Rukia!?" they both turned around as the woman behind the cart started to put together their snowcones, "Rangiku!? Why are you here?" Orihime asked curiously, "It's Officer's Day Off, didn't anyone tell you two?" "No, what's that?" "It's for Captains and Leuitentis, they have the day off today!" "Really?!" "Mm-hm!" "So how many of you guys are here?" Rukia asked nervously, "Um.... my squad, squad eleven, thirteen, six, eight, five, three, nine and two I think...." Rukia groaned slightly and took out her cell phone, "Would you both excuse me a moment? I need to make a phone call...."
"I want another one," Grimmjow said with a burp as he licked his fingers of the hot dog toppings, Ichigo sighed and shook his head with dissapointment, Ulquiorra was nibbling on his, trying to decide if he liked it or not, Grimmjow had just downed his fourth weener and Ichigo was tired of getting glared at by people who were bothered by Grimmjow, he noticed his phone ringing in his pocket and took it out to find that Rukia was calling him, "Fine, get another one, but don't offend the waiter this time," he muttered, standing up from his chair and walking out of the small diner to talk peacefully, "Yo Rukia, you get lost or something?" "No I need to warn you, it's Officer's Day Off, a bunch of captains and leuitnits are in Karakura now so make sure your...... company..... keeps their reitsu to themselves alright?" "Yeah got it, thanks Rukia, bye," "Bye," she said on the other end of the phone
"Captain Kuchiki I'm STARVING! Can we PLEASE stop and get something to eat?" Renji groaned, Byakuya sighed and rolled his eyes, "Fine, as long as we hurry, I want to be at the museum within the hour," "Sir yes sir!" he replied with a smile as they started walking towards a nearby resturaunt, "Pika pika!" he heard, turning around and seeing a set of TVs in a local electronics shop, he paused and stared at the TVs... then gasped, "CAPTAIN KUCHIKI!!!!" "What is your problum?" he replied coldly as he stared at his sobbing leituenit, "Captain they STOLE my art style! Look at that!" he said, pointing to the TVs wich happened to have Pokemon playing, "Renji I highly doubt that, are you certain that it is not you who subconciously remembered THEIR art style and copied it?" "Captain Kuchiki how could your doubt me like that?! Ofcourse not!" he replied, "Renji, were you not saying moments ago that you are hungry?" "O-Oh right... let's go Captain," he muttered, turning to leave.... "Do you like Pokemon? Do you like cookies? Then you'll LOVE the new Pokemon Cookies!" Renji turned around... and screamed, "MY COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Hey can we go in there?" Grimmjow asked as they walked by a clothing shop, "Ehh... sure," Ichigo replied as the three of them walked in, "Now remember you two, I'm on limited funds, don't run me dry," Ichigo said as Ulquiorra split off in his own direction, "That sounds dirty," Grimmjow snickered, Ichigo sighed and shook his head, "Child...." he muttered as he went to look at some new jeans, Grimmjow considered looking around for a moment but decided against it and went to follow Ichigo, "What?" the younger man asked as he started going through racks of denim pants, "I'm hot," Grimmjow said, "Then take off your jacket," Ichigo replied with a huff, "And do what with it? I don't want to carry it around with me all day!" Ichigo rolled his eyes and unzipped Grimmjow's jacket, then wrapped it around his waist and tied it by the sleeves, "There," he muttered, "Oh...." Grimmjow muttered, "How come your vest is unzipped?" Ichigo asked as he went back to sifting through jeans, "Felt like it," he muttered back, "Ahem," Ichigo turned around to see Ulquiorra holding a pair of leather pants, "You want to try those on? Go to one of the rooms with the curtains back there," he instructed, turning back to Grimmjow to see him taking off his open vest, "Grimmjow..." "I wanna try on this shirt," "Go to a changing room then!" the chaos was interrupted by a loud cry, Ichigo turned around to see a sobbing little girl standing in the middle of the store, "What's the matter?" he asked with concern, crouching down to her level, "I can't find my mommy," she sobbed, "Aw, well let me help and see if I can find her," he said, leading her off and hoping that the two Espada wouldn't blow up the store wen left to their own devices....
"Yay!!!!!! Candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yachiru shouted as she ran around the candy store, the poor schmuck of a store clerk who had asked Kenpachi to "kindly keep his daughter quiet" was now shaking in a corner wile the pink-haired child took control of the store, Kenpachi was encouraging her, telling her she could have anything she got her hands on, in the mean time Ikkaku had been dragged to a shop next to the candy store to find some "beautifull clothing" for Yumichika, though sadly.... the two could easily hear their leiutenit from miles away...."You have your fun now Yachiru, once you're done here I'm findin' Ichigo and I'm gonna beat the snot out of 'im on his own turf!" Kenpachi cackled, "YAAAAYYYY!!!!! Snot!!!!" she screamed as she grabbed a bag of gumballs
"What do you MEAN you don't know where he went!?" Ichigo shouted as Grimmjow looked through some belts, "You heard me, one minute he was here and the next he wasn't," he replied, "AGH! I leave you two alone for FIVE MINUTES to go take a little girl to her mother and you-!" "Hey, do you think this would leave welts if I hit people with it?" Grimmjow asked as he showed Ichigo a black leather belt, Ichigo sighed and grabbed the thing from his "freind" and put it back, "Come on you... we're gonna go find Ulquiorra...."
"Thank you," Ulquiorra said as he walked away from the "truck" with his ice cream, he was glad that Kurosaki had given him some of this "money" stuff so he could buy an "ice cream", he got a cone with a scoop of mint chocolate chip and one of strawberry on top of that, but he decided to eat it with a spoon so he wouldn't get messy, he closed his eyes slightly as he walked, savouring the taste of the cold, sweet treat in his mouth, when he heard a strange noise.... putting his spoon in his ice cream, he looked at the dangling cell phone on his arm and frowned, he couldn't make the ringing stop AND eat his ice cream.... favouring the ice cream, he decided to let it ring and go back to eating
"Why the hell did it take you so long to pick up the phone Ulquiorra?!" Ichigo snapped as he and Grimmjow walked down the street, "... So long to get what?" he heard on the other end, "THE PHONE!!! This little thing you're speaking into right now..." Ichigo clairified, "Psh, hopeless brat...." Grimmjow grumbeled from beside Ichigo, "...Kurosaki?" Ulquiorra asked on the other end of the phone, "Uh?... You didn't know it was me??" "I was just surprised... How did you get in such a tiny object?" "I'M NOT INSIDE THE PHONE MORON!" Ichigo shouted in frustration, "You gotta wonder just how the hell he maneged to even answer the thing..." Grimmjow muttered, "After you training him for a week it's no wonder Grimmjow..." "Is Grimmjow in there as well?... What would you both be doing in such a tight space?" Ulquiorra asked, "Wait! We are NOT in the phone! Don't go assuming things like that!" "Is it fun?... How may I join you?..." Ichigo wanted to hit himself... he wanted to go jump off the nearest bridge actually but he felt that was a bit extreme.... "Aww crap... just forget the tight space for a second," "We should find him by reistsu," Grimmjow suggested, "Sooner I can shove this lot of drinks in HIS 'tight space'...." he muttered, referring to the soda he forced Ichigo to stop and buy a few minutes ago, "Shut up, Grimmjow! I can't let Soul Society know you guys are here, remember?" Ichigo snapped, "Che..." "Listen, Ulquiorra. Go back to the train station, I'll pick you up there." "What is a train station?" "Ack.... you know that place we just got off of? ...That metal running thing?" Ichigo said, trying to make him understand, "Oh... so that place is called a 'Train Station'...." "Yeah! But whatever you do, remember, do NOT use your reistsu," "...Hmm...." "What is it now?" "If that is a train station... then where am I now...?" Ichigo slammed his head into the nearest phone poll, "WHAT!?" "Please don't tell me what's going on... I don't want to devastate this place..." Grimmjow muttered, "Are you sure it isn't easier if you get out of there?" Ichigo groaned loudly, he couldn't BELIEVE he lost an Espada in the city... this was just great..... "Ichigo? Ichigo?" he perked up, "Rukia?! How'd you get Ulquiorra's phone?!" "He maneged to wander into the bookstore Orihime and I are at, we'll keep him here until you and .... Hairball.... can come pick him up," Ichigo nodded once, "We'll be right there, you're a life saver Rukia," "Mm, I'm aware of that,"
"Fish! Selling fish! Oh Captain Hitsugaya would you come here a moment?!" Urahara shouted, causing Toshiro to reluctnatly walk over to the shop merchant, "What is it Urahara?" "I'm selling fish! Would you like to buy some?" he asked, pointing to a crate of dead fish, Toshiro just stared for a moment, just..... STARED.... "No ... .thank you...." "Oh ok then.. will you atleast spread the word?" "I guess...." "Alrighty then! Just remember! Urahara, SELL FISH!" "Right....."
"WHY did you just walk off like that?!" Ichigo snarled as he stared at Ulquiorra, "I heard a bell and followed it, it was an ice cream truck," "...An ice cream truck...?" "The ice cream was good," Ichigo sighed, "Thanks again Rukia," "No problum, hey... can Orihime and I come with you? This opening is sort of a bust..." "SURE! I'd LOVE the help," Ichigo replied, "Hey look I found a cat!" Grimmjow said as he walked into the bookstore with a big grey cat, "Go put the cat down Grimmjow...." Ichigo muttered, Grimmjow then put the cat down... on the floor.... and the cat then went over to Rukia and rubbed against her leg, purring as he did so, "Hey! Get away from that snotty ice queen Grimmjow Junior!" Grimmjow demanded, "SNOTTY?! Ichigo if he gets a cat I want a bunny! That isn't fair! I've been asking you for a bunny for a LONG TIME!" "No one is getting ANY pet! Go take the cat outside Grimmjow!" "Hey aren't they Espada!?" Rangiku shouted as she walked around the corner and spotted the two, Ichigo sighed, "Great, she found out anyway," "I'm TELLING you Captain Kuchiki they STOLE my cookies!" "Shut. Up. Renji." Byakuya muttered as the two walked into the bookstore, "Kurosaki, here you are, tell me how do I get to the national museum?" Ichigo turned to the two and Renji stomped off, still muttering about his cookies, "It's NATURAL museum Byakuya, not NATIONAL.... and you need to go to Baker station and-" "CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY!!!" they heard as Yachiru and Kenpachi came in, Yachiru clinging to Byakuya's leg like a koala, "HAHA! I found you Ichigo!" "CRAP! Kenpachi!" he shouted, running through the bookstore, "Such an ugly affair," Yumihcika muttered with Ikkaku nodding behind him, "Hey wait a minute... Espada! My day just got better!" Kenpachi howled, "I'll fight you later Ichigo, they're mine!" he cackled, running after Grimmjow, "Get away from me you phsyco!" "Oh by the way Ichigo, here's your poetry book!" Rukia shouted over the nosie, handing him a thick book, "Oh Rukia, did you HAVE-" "Poetry?!" Ikkaku cackled, "What a pansy!" "I happen to find poetry refined, good for you Kurosaki, some culture will certainly make you more intellegent," Ulquiorra said, Ichigo groaned, "Urahara sell fish!" Rukia blinked, shouting over the noise, "Did you say Urahara's SELFISH?" "NO! I said he was SELLING FISH," "Oooooh I could go for some sushi right now!" Rangiku said, "Yeah with pickles and honey and ketchup!" Orihime mused, "Fish? I could go for fish," Grimmjow noted as Kenpachi tore through a bookshelf trying to get to him, Ichigo in the mean time slouched against the wall and sighed, "I hate my life,"